Non-Copyright-Infringing Venus Fly Trap
Non-Copyright-Infringing Venus Fly Traps were enemies that débuted in Crash, the Bandicoot Made Out of a Hilariously Small Number of Polygons. They differ from the usual sorts of plants familiar to you and me in that they don't eat water, but rather, flies. Since Crash, the Bandicoot Made Out of a Hilariously Small Number of Polygons is a filthy filthy disgusting beast who never ever takes a bath, he is swarming with flies, and thus very very appetising to them. They will try to eat him, with their pollination mouths. Since Crash is a reprehensible character, we would typically support them in their quest. However, all of the professional geochemists out there know the sad, soul-crushing truths - plants are the worst kinds of animals in existence, because they are tethered to the ground by dirt-clasping bio-tentacles known as "roots". (No relation to the ABlackC miniseries of the same name.) As such, they are unable to effectively pursue him, much to Wa-Wa's chagrin. Appearances Sewing the Seeds of Long-Term Mediocrity (1996) Non-Copyright-Infringing Venus Fly Traps made their bombastic début in Crash, the Bandicoot Made Out of a Soul-Crushingly Small Number of Polygons. In this game, some of them lived their lives on land, in such levels as Jungle Rollers, Rolling Stones, The Great Gate, and even The Equally Great Gate. These plants lunged at Crashie, attempting to eat him. OUT! (Haha, zing!) Meanwhile, other plants lived in the water, in such levels as Upstream and Upstream 2: Hydroelectric Boogaloo. These plants lied around with their big planty jaws open, hoping for food to stupidly waltz right down its throat. However, since these plants never graduated college, they were stupid, and either opened and shut their mouths at regular intervals, or only shut their mouths a good two seconds or so after something landed there. Brilliant! As such, Crashity-Whashity-Woodle-Doodle-Doo-Doo-Boo-Boo-Gee-Willikers was able to deftly use them as platforms to cross otherwise uncrossable expanses of extremely shallow water. Since these aquatic Non-Copyright-Infringing Venus Fly Traps were actually useful to the player, Connie Booth put her cunt-riddled foot down and had them banned from the next game, in favour of fleshing out the inferior land-based variety. (What a fucking cunt!) Non-Copyright-Infringing Venus Fly Traps Are Exactly Like Gidget in Every Way (1997) In the year between the first game and Crash Bandicoot II: Son of Crash Bandicoot, Dr. Neo Cortex enacted his most devious professional scheme ever. He contaminated the Three Islands' water supply with a subtle purple dye that isn't noticeable to the naked eye in usual quantities, but yet, over time, changed the Non-Copyright-Infringing Venus Fly Traps' colour from red to purple! This plan was so devious that it did not affect them in any way! In this game, the plants decided to let down their chloro-filled hair and spend the day chillaximanating down at Upstream City, Upstream Township, and Upstreamenwaldenshiresburgh Pointe, with their favourite pastime: surfing. Now, since they're plants, with fuckin' retarded root-feet, obviously the Non-Copyright-Infringerators cannot leave their groundy dwelling in order to surf themselves. However, they can lunge out and try to destroy any passers-by, such as orange rats mayhap, that might be attempting to mötörsurf down the canal. Now can you see why Connie Booth preferred this style of Non-Copyright-Infringing Venus Fly Traps??? Non-Copyright-Infringing Venus Fry Trap The levels Hangin' Out and Let's Have Some Bees introduced a new and unique variety of Non-Copyright-Infringing Venus Fly Trap that had the very unique and interesting ability to spit out flaming projectiles. Being far away from the water, these plants managed to maintain their traditional red colour. When Crash-a-Looooooo drew close, they peppered him with exploding flamey black things that were a royal pain in the ass to avoid. When Crashie drew even closer, they abandoned all hope of victory and curled up into the foetal position in the desperate hope that they would be spared. Legend has it that one of the Non-Copyright-Infringing Venus Fry Traps has a portal to a mystical new world lodged up his woody plant-stem rectum. Non-Copyright-Infringing Venus Fly Trap Likes to Muffle Her (1999) When a certain bandicoot who doesn't wear shirts starred in Chrono Trigger: Platformer Edition, he never even came close to any NCIVFTsies at all, because Naughty Dog unwisely wanted to include levels that centred on exotic locations that weren't lame stereotypical jungles for once. Due to the lack of their once-primary food source, our planty paramours were in grave danger of starvation. Out of pure desperation, they began to subsist on whatever garbage might be carelessly left in their range, no matter how indigestible, exactly like nature's garbage disposal, the goat. For some queer reason, they began to develop a particular taste for tin cans. So, when the time came to release Crashie a la Motor, and one of the tracks selected wound its way through President Jerome Papupapudopoulos's own personal private Non-Copyright-Infringing Venus Fly Trap garden, well, you can only imagine what happened! Namely, when anyone drove within striking distance of one, they lunged forward in an attempt to devour Jetty the Magic Go-Kart, who was made out of metal, exactly like some tin cans! They were fucking annoying, which explains why Papu gassed them all shortly thereafter. Helping Out the New Guy (2001) When Naughty Dog moved on and abandoned the Crashie series exactly like my parents abandoned me, the surviving Non-Copyright-Infringing Venus Fly Traps who were fortunate enough not to live in Papu's garden felt scared. Eurocom appeared to have no interest in using them in Mario Party, Minus the Mario, and Also, the Party-ness, and they justifiably feared the end of their careers. Out of respect to their old planty buddies, Andy Gavin and Jason Rubin and Linda "Mama" Rubin mutually decided to give NCIVFTsters a cameo role in Naughty Dog's exciting and new non-Crashie game, You Don't Know Jak, and Also, Daxter. In the game, it simply appeared in some shitty hut that didn't belong to President Papu Papu. It used its Crash II model and didn't do a damn thing. Just like the Democrat-controlled Congress! Hey-O! The Next Non-Copyright-Infringeneration (2004) Old people are terrible and it is for the good of society that they perish, and the same is true of Non-Copyright-Infringing Venus Fly Traps. In the three years after their last appearance, the old generation of increasingly purple NCIVFTsters became increasingly old and withered. As such, when the time came to make The Crashie Series Is Really Starting to Spiral(mouth) Out of Control By This Point, they were replaced by their planty sons and daughters and tranny-children, who still possessed the bright red shade of their not-yet-tainted youth. Also, as youthsters, they were young and agile, and possessed the ability to stretch out pretty far. I mean, seriously, I don't understand why anyone would enjoy porn with "mature" actors, because it's the teens and early-twentiers who are able to bend and twist like nobody's business, fo' sho'. Um. Anyway. The new, lean, and/or mean generation of Non-Copyright-Infringing Venus Fly Trappinatorinators appeared in only one stage, Jungle Bungle. (But, of course, this game was so ridiculously rushed and short that one level was, like, a third of the motherfucking game.) Despite their lithe youthfulness, they were still not able to take Coot Bandicrash down, mayhap because they were too busy trying to talk some emo kid out of killing himself. (Spoiler alert: They failed.) Trivia *Due to their attack pattern of trying to lunge forward but being restrained by something they are connected to anchored in the ground, it is extremely probable that this enemy is based on rival Nintendo's famous and popular Mario series enemy Chain Chomp. Exactly like the Chain Chomps from Super Mario Bros. 3: As Seen in The Wizard, if you wait until the timer depletes to 160 seconds remaining, the Non-Copyright-Infringing Venus Fly Traps all break loose and viciously pursue the Super Crashio Brothers. However, this never actually happens in practice, because the Crashie games don't actually include that sort of timer ever. *By extension, this means that Non-Copyright-Infringing Venus Fry Traps are obviously based on the less-common Mario series enemy known as Fire Chomp. Exactly like Fire Chomps, they possess the ability to fly. Non-Copyright-Infringing Venus Fry Traps simply choose never to use this ability, for they are humble, decent folk. *Despite their names, Non-Copyright-Infringing Venus Fly Traps have never been seen in a level set on the planet Venus. No official reason has ever been given for this, and fan speculation has run wild, but it is vaguely possible that it might simply be because no Crashie game ever has featured a level set on Venus anyway. Alternately, some fans theorise that the name is actually a reference to the NCIVFTs' favourite song of all time, "Venus", as performed by Bananarama. *Ironically, if you [[Dr. Nefarious Tropy|built a time machine]] and went back in time to before 1996, and then somehow managed to have your own Non-Copyright-Infringing Venus Fly Trap copyrighted in the past, then Naughty Dog's Non-Copyright-Infringing Venus Fly Trap actually would have been infringing on a copyright - your copyright! (Though, to be fair, if you were to have done this, Naughty Dog would've probably been clever enough to use a different sort of enemy, so I suppose it renders my entire point invalid. But, oh well. It's already here anyway.) See Also, IF YOU DARE *Non-Copyright-Infringing Venus Fly Trap Fish *Thawaiwee Worm - An enemy from CTR: CNK Edition that fills the same exact role as the NCIVFT did in its predecessor